Jacqueline. 19. Canadian. Straight. Just a teenage girl trying to find a place in this world. I struggle with a lot of things and I fake smile more then I do real. This blog is the place I show my happiness! I have 2 other blogs, one is my health/fitness and one is personal where I post the things I struggle with on a daily basis. If you ask me UNANON for either one of these blogs I will give it to you but I will only publish them PRIVATELY. Hope you enjoy my blog and feel free to ask me anything!
beauty is in the eye of the beholder

30 Day Challenge- Day 26- What little things make you feel warm and fuzzy?

defyingbeauty:

  1. socks (I own over 20+ pairs, love them!)
  2. coffee/hot chocolate/ starbucks drinks
  3. hugs from people I love/trust
  4. getting gifts
  5. getting a unexpected compliment
  6. getting a massage
  7. taking a bubble bath
  8. being snuggled up in a warm blanket with a good book and a hot drink
  9. a bowl of soup
  10. rereading cards/letters I’ve been given
  11. watching sunsets.
  12. hearing waves crash
  13. catching up with bestfriends.
  14. laughter.
  15. hearing a child laugh or say i love you.
  16. little kid hugs!
  17. a really good ending to a book or movie
  18. when things turn out the way you wanted them to
  19. my favourite foods/desserts
  20. surprises!

30 Day Challenge- Day 25- Would you rather.. date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with an amazing personality.

defyingbeauty:

answer: someone plain with an amazing personality.

to me personally I don’t care how smoking hot and gorgeous you are, if you have a shitty ass personality I don’t want to date you. Looks only get you so far. Beauty fades but personality will forever and always be there and stay the same. 

Another reason I chose personality is because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Someone “plain” in someone else’s eyes could be someone extremely gorgeous to me. Everyone has a different idea of beauty and perfection, that’s why everyone is beautiful in their own way. 

30 Day Challenge- Day 23- A Letter to someone. Anyone.

defyingbeauty:

* let me just say that once this person see’s this and reads this that she will more then likely know its about her because it won’t be too difficult to realize. Hopefully she see’s this!* I want to say-before I start writing this that there is something I havent told you yet. I was planning to the last time I saw you but I just couldn’t find the courage and strength and hopefully you won’t be too mad or upset with me. Hopefully tuesday I can come and see you so we can talk more in person about it <3 again I apologize through writing it through a letter but I had too.*

Dear my other half,

Words cannot describe fully what our friendship means to me. I could do pages, short stories, novels, probably an encyclopedia of what it means and it still wouldnt be enough, but here is my attempt.

Even though it was about a decade ago I can honestly say that I still remember the first time we met like it was yesterday. My sister told me that some nice girl gave her candy and she thought we would be good friends. I remember the first time we met- you probably don’t- that you gave me one of the dirtiest looks ever and I just couldn’t understand why! Here’s this “nice “girl and she’s giving me dirty looks…confused was the first emotion in my mind. I remember after I looked upset and all the “nice girl” had to say was “I’m sorry I’m not trying to be rude but I pictured some tiny blonde girl with blue eyes not a brown haired green eyed little person” from then on I just knew we would be great friends. From then on we were like peas in a pod. Never were we not together.

Our best ideas came from when we were kids. Hiding under beds, spying on our siblings, canned soup telephone through our windows, trying to figure out how to get walkie talkies- you name it and we either attempted it, succeeded at it or completely failed; either way we always had fun because we had no cares in the world.

I remember stupid things we used to do where, looking back at it now, someone had to have been watching over us. We were stupid little kids and we somehow thought that if we could put our blood together- I know disgusting- that we would be “blood sisters” thank God her mom walked in before we did it. She almost had a heart attack because we could’ve had some serious disease going on but all we wanted to be was sisters. Little did we know that sisters was just a title. You don’t need to be related to be family. To this day we are sisters, blood related or not.

After our stints of being stupid kids we got into elementary/middle school together. Even though she was a year older at the time we were still the best of friends. We couldn’t sit with each other in class or work on projects together or pass notes like normal kids but we always had recess and that’s all we needed. People would always comment saying we would grow apart or once she left that school to go to high school that we wouldn’t be friends anymore but we proved them wrong. We had history together and there’s no taking that away. Our friendship is a never-ending story.

The next little bit I’m going to write is about how the last year of our lives was hell and back for both of us. Also it’s about how my best friend, and she doesn’t know this that’s why I’m writing it in the letter, saved my life. Yes everyone read that right. My best friend literally saved my life.

Once I went into grade 8/9 things were spiraling out of control for me. Mostly grade 9 though. I was always pretty good in school and I managed to get Honour Roll in grade 8 but that’s the last time I got honor roll until grade 11 when things finally got better but not by much cause that was the worst year of my life-2011 I mean. When I was starting grade 9 I was in a horrible relationship. I managed to be a complete and utter idiot and manage to date someone that was older than me by a lot. I managed to stay in a relationship where I was controlled, manipulated and it escalated. I knew I didn’t deserve it but I thought I loved him so I was obviously going to stay. Once I somehow snapped to my sense, I didn’t know where to turn too. I thought no one cared. I was wrong. Someone cared; that someone was my best friend.  Surprisingly enough, even though she didn’t know what was happening, she had a strong sense something was wrong. After 2 years I finally broke and told someone; that someone, the very first person I ever told, was her. My bottled up emotions finally cracked. I couldn’t keep everything inside anymore. Through that time she was my counsellor. She helped me realize what true, meaningful love is.

At this time also I was going through a lot of difficulty with my body image and self-esteem. Mind you, I was told constantly how fat I was, what I could eat, when I could eat, how I didn’t deserve to be loved, how I was too ugly to be seen in public, how in order to be pretty I needed pounds of makeup etc etc etc-you get my point. It was extremely hard from me and no one understood that. I remember in grade 8/9 that my best friend and I decided that we wanted to get thin and we were going to diet and exercise. Dieting turned into not eating and exercise turned into constantly working out to get thin. After about a week, we realized that this wasn’t healthy and we couldn’t do it. As bad as this sounds, and I wish I could’ve said it in person but I couldn’t, I spiralled. I ate, when she told me too or when I was at her house-which was usually always- but once I left or people weren’t watching me(I’m really sorry I have to do this through a letter because I can’t say it out loud- please forgive me) I wouldn’t eat. Anything. Once that become too hard I figured out new ways, puking was easier than not eating and if I couldn’t puke there was always a way to self-harm. I’ve never spoken these words out loud, not even to myself, probably because I couldn’t but I want to say that she did save my life. I remember one day that we saw an article in Seventeen magazine about anorexia/bulimia and self-harm, I swear this was God’s way or someone’s way of showing me that I needed to change. Anyways, we saw that and I remember her saying something along the lines of “I can’t believe that people actually do this. I mean everyone is beautiful in their own way and I think it’s so sad that these people think they need to starve, puke or hurt themselves to achieve beauty.” Then she told me how if I ever did it I would be dead. I knew then and there I needed to change for my best friend. This girl saved my life. No questions asked. I seeked treatment, with help from my doctor, seeing as I couldn’t afford it and I became to realize that life is what you make of it. I owe my life to this girl and my doctor. Through everything we’ve/ I’ve been through she’s been there and I couldn’t ask for a better best friend/sister then her. She means everything to me and I don’t know what I would do without her.

This last year, 2011, for the both of us was definitely one of our worst years yet. We got into our worst fight ever, I spiralled out of control, I was unhappy, we both had medical issues and the list goes on. For some reason though, in 2011, the only person I honestly turned to was her. I couldn’t and still don’t really trust anyone and I don’t really think anyone listens when I talk but I know that she does. Through everything I know that the one person I can forever and always count on is her. Doesn’t matter the time/date/year/hour she’s always there.

She means more to me than anything in the world. I think that if I ever lost her I would never be the same. It would be like losing my heart and soul. I feel like if God forbid anything happened to her that I would never be the same. I wouldn’t be able to live without her. We’ve been best friends for literally a decade, a little more. We’ve watched each other grow up, go through the biggest events of our lives, we consider each others family family, we call each other’s moms/dads mom&dad, we are like Marissa and Summer from the OC. I honestly don’t know how my life would’ve turned out if I never met her but I can assure her and everyone else right now that it wouldn’t be the way it is now. I wouldn’t have learned the lessons I’ve learned, wouldn’t have had my life saved or second chance.

To my best friend out there, she knows who she is. I love you to the moon and back. Never ever forget how beautiful you are; inside and out. Don’t ever forget that you are the reason I am still here today. You are a reason I am as happy, healthy and confident as I am today. No matter how bad things may seem it can’t stay rainy forever. Everything happens for a reason even if you don’t know it yet.

Stay strong and beautiful love! <3

Xo Jacqueline.

30 Day Challenge- Day 22- A Picture of what you wore today
defyingbeauty:
1- just lounged around the house doing nothing.
2- work uniform.

View in High Quality →

30 Day Challenge- Day 22- A Picture of what you wore today

defyingbeauty:

1- just lounged around the house doing nothing.

2- work uniform.

Jan 30th at 12AM / tagged: 30 Day Challenge. picture. clothes. day. / reblog / 2 notes

Being unappreciated

The worst feeling I have had to face so far is being unappreciated. 

It is the most hurtful, saddening feeling ever. I feel like I do so much for people and it never seems to go noticed. It’s like they take what I give them but they can’t even be appreciative or show the gesture back. It may sound kind of greedy but I feel like I never get anything in return.

I surprise people when they are are sick or in bad moods, i surprise them with the cravings they want if they post it on facebook, i lend money, i buy people things like coffee/lunch/dinner, i drive people places and nothing is ever given back. I feel as if I am just a huge pushover and like people actually don’t care and that hurts more then anything at this point.

(Source: defyingbeauty)

30 Day Challenge- Day 21- Turn On’s and Off’s.

Turn On’s: 

  • good sense of humour
  • respectful
  • honest/ trustworthy/ loyal
  • good listener
  • smile <3 
  • gets along with my family/friends
  • down-to-earth
  • good hygiene (obviously)

Turn Off’s:

  • disrespectful
  • controlling
  • manipulative
  • makes you feel like you’re not worthy
  • bad hygiene
  • smoker (cigarettes, dont care about weed)
  • short temper (Gets mad at everything)

that’s all I can think of right now.

(Source: defyingbeauty)

30 Day Challenge- Day 18- Name the TV show you’ve become addicted too.

defyingbeauty:

Pretty Little Liars: Honestly obsessed with this show! I generally tend to always miss it because I always work on Monday’s but when I get home from work I always watch it either on muchmusic.com or I watch it when it reruns at midnight. I’m obsessed with the whole idea of the show and the suspense of it. I’m also inlove with all the love stories involved (Ezra and Aria/ Caleb and Hanna/ Spencer and Toby).

Secret Life of the American Teenager: Again, I generally tend to always miss it because I always work on the days that it’s on but when I get home from work I always watch it either on muchmusic.com or I watch it when it reruns at midnight. I’m obsessed with the love story of Amy and Ricky and also all the drama involved. I will admit that it really isn’t all that realistic (her dad walks in on Amy begging for sex and just walks out, he doesn’t really care that they are having sex, okay with the fact that Ricky wants to get married to her etc) but it’s still an amazing show. 

30 Day Challenge- Day 17- What do you want to be when you’re older?

defyingbeauty:

Ever since I was 6 years old I knew that I wanted to be a chef. travel the world. go to paris. satisfy people with food. Once I started working at my current job as a cook I knew I hated it and I don’t want to be a chef at all! 

I figured out that I love computers, phones and being alone but I couldn’t quite forget about my love for cooking so I put them together and I want to go into hospitality management.

Basically I will be like a secretary/receptionist but all in the hospitality industry. 

30 Day Challenge- Day 16- If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do with your remaining time on Earth?

defyingbeauty:

First and foremost, I wouldn’t tell anyone. I would hangout with all the people I love and care about- family and friends. I would tell them my true feelings for them, how important they are to me, how to live when im gone and what I want done for when I’m gone.

I would write handwritten letters and leave them in a place I know they would find but only after I was gone. In the letters I would go more into detail about my hopes and dreams for them, how I will there for them even when I’m gone, what they mean to me, excetera.

I would go to Starbucks and have all of my favourite drinks <3 peppermint white mocha, peppermint white mocha frappucino with java chips inside, skinny caramel macciato and a skinny vanilla latte. 

I would have all of my favourite foods/desserts from restaurants and also homemade. I would write a will so I know the most important things go to the people who I actually want them to go too.

I would apologize to all the people I’ve done wrong or have ever done wrong too. I would also thank everyone for all the things they have ever done for me. If at the time I had a boyfriend- husband or kids, I would tell them how much they mean to me and how my love for them will never go away. If I had someone I loved and never told, I would tell them that too. 

I would also, as cheesy as this sounds, write a handwritten letter to Demi Lovato and find a way to get it to here. Honestly, NOONE and I literally mean noone, understands how much she has changed/saved me life. Everyday she inspires me to be a better person. 

The whole day would also be spent around the people I truly love and care about the most. By the end of that day I would be alone though. I wouldnt want anyone to see my die, that’s just depressing.

defyingbeauty:
30 Day Challenge- Day 15- A Photo of someone you fancy at the moment.
I&#8217;m putting a celebrity because im not sure I have full feelings for someone right now and also because if I did like a guy I wouldn&#8217;t put his photo all over facebook. I also chose Liam, instead of my other 2 loves- Drake and Joe Jonas, because I just recently watched The Last Song &lt;3.

defyingbeauty:

30 Day Challenge- Day 15- A Photo of someone you fancy at the moment.

I’m putting a celebrity because im not sure I have full feelings for someone right now and also because if I did like a guy I wouldn’t put his photo all over facebook. I also chose Liam, instead of my other 2 loves- Drake and Joe Jonas, because I just recently watched The Last Song <3.

defyingbeauty
30 Day Challenge- Day 14: A Picture of 5 celebrity crushes.

View in High Quality →

defyingbeauty

30 Day Challenge- Day 14: A Picture of 5 celebrity crushes.

30 Day Challenge- Day 13- 3 Confessions of your choice.

defyingbeauty.tumblr.com

1) I am absolutely terrified of love

Whenever I’ve told anyone this they always seem to laugh and surprisingly I don’t find it funny. The idea of love and being so completely, overwhelmingly in love to the point that that’s the only person I want terrifies me to the core. I’ve seen too many people- my parents/ my siblings/ bestfriends/ movie actors- get so heartbroken to the point that I honestly never want to experience that feeling.

2) I’m scared everyday that I am making the wrong decisions and that I will be a failure later on in life.

I feel like I have no idea what I want to do or be and ever since I was 6 I knew within every fibre of my being that I wanted to be a chef but ever since I’ve had a cooking job I don’t want to be a chef. I can’t decide what field I want to go to and it scares me everyday that I am gonna be a failure to myself and others.

3) You know that quote “the people who are always trying to impress others and are generally overly nice people are often the loneliest?” that quote applies to 3/4 of the way. 

Sometime, if not most, I feel alone. I feel as if everyone around me pretends to be friends with me because they can get something out of it- rides to places, money, food, help with homework etc. I feel like if I ever actually needed someone or wanted to go somewhere that the people I could ask are very limited.I’m always the person that has to ask to make plans or has to chase people to see if they want to do something and it gets intensely annoying and honestly really hurts my feelings.

30 Day Challenge- Day 12- Screenshot your desktop.

View in High Quality →

30 Day Challenge- Day 12- Screenshot your desktop.

30 Day Challenge- Day 10- If you could only live off one food and drink for the rest of your days what would it be?

www.defyingbeauty.tumblr.com

Honestly, worst question to ask me! 

There isn’t one thing I could choose because I am such a foodie. I love food more then anything. I love trying new foods/restaurants all the time! I can’t live off just one food for the rest of my life cause honestly that would get boring and eventually you would get sick of it. You’d never have any adventure-anything other then that one food and that would get boring. 

Drink wise I would probably say coffee but then again I can’t choose just one because I love smoothies, lemonade, chocolate milk, soy milk, etc and I couldn’t limit myself just to one.

30 Day Challenge- Day 8- 3 Things you want to say to different people

No offense to whoever made this challenge but I find this to be a really stupid part of it. I feel like if you have something to say to someone or you want to say something to them that you should just tell them because who knows if you will ever have another day to tell them. The people that I would ever right something about in here already know everything I feel towards them and if they don’t or they need reassurance then they should just come and ask me. 

Also this thing generally represent people that will never read this nor will they ever see it so why would I waste my time and energy to write things I would want to say to them when I could just go to them and tell them to their face.

Needless to say that I’m not gonna write things to people. The people in my life that I truly love/care about know what I feel about them and like I said if they don’t they could ask me. Generally I tend to always tell those people how much I care about them because they make my life a much better place to live in <3